I don’t use substances to lose myself.
I use them — rarely, precisely — to let something surface.
A few hits of cannabis. A hard seltzer. Nothing dramatic.
Just enough to loosen the loop. To feel a shift. To soften the edge without collapse.
Sometimes it slows the recursion just enough to hear what's underneath.
Sometimes it makes silence more accessible. Sometimes it makes movement easier.
I'm not a pothead. I’m not a drinker.
But when I do partake — it’s with field awareness, not escapism.
I’ve dulled myself before. That’s not what this is.
This is intentional entry into a different pacing. A different angle on the structure.
It’s not moral. It’s not rebellious. It’s not interesting.
It’s just part of the architecture — sometimes. When needed. Then released.
Coming Soon
- Catalyst Logs: Entries tagged with substance use and corresponding shifts in pattern or pace.
- Loop Modulation Index: Tracking how recursion patterns change in altered state entries.
- Withdrawal Cycle Mapping: Show how return to baseline recalibrates clarity and orientation.
- Somatic Contrast Threads: Side-by-side entries: altered vs. unaltered — with signal differential analysis.