[0:00]
so it's almost 700 in the morning here
[0:02]
I'm just going to say this briefly
[0:04]
things didn't work out with my new
[0:06]
[Music]
[0:07]
friend I want to respect his privacy so
[0:10]
I'm not going to say more than that
[0:11]
other than to say he made me feel very
[0:13]
unsafe very
[0:15]
scared
[0:18]
and destroyed something that was
[0:20]
absolutely
[0:22]
beautiful it's heartbreaking and I'm
[0:25]
grieving and I'm moving on so um I'm
[0:27]
doing laundry this morning it's almost 7
[0:30]
in the morning I might have said that we
[0:31]
have a major storm coming the wind um
[0:35]
the sustained winds are going to be in
[0:37]
like the 50s or 60s I think and the the
[0:40]
Gus they're going to be in the 80s but
[0:42]
the campground is pretty secure I think
[0:45]
maybe just have to worry about the trees
[0:47]
but there's really nothing you can do
[0:48]
about that so
[0:51]
um just going to tough it out today got
[0:53]
to get my laundry done and just you know
[0:56]
whatever so yeah things didn't work out
[1:00]
so I'm here doing
[1:02]
hry two people in here and they're using
[1:05]
all the washers there was only one I
[1:08]
crab out so those are going to probably
[1:10]
take hours I guess I need to do my
[1:13]
laundry anyways I want to honor had this
[1:17]
because it was wonderful I'm trying to
[1:18]
get this door shut it was wonderful up
[1:21]
until it wasn't right
[1:27]
so very I'll take away
[1:30]
this place is
[1:32]
done oh my God yesterday I hooked him on
[1:36]
the
[1:36]
beach when he came to get me
[1:39]
wonderful absolutely love
[1:43]
that I got him a tie table because I
[1:46]
know how important that is to him it's a
[1:48]
way of showing I
[1:51]
care told him I want you to meet his mom
[1:54]
that I wanted her to like me
[1:57]
rtic I love the berry picking
[2:01]
I teased him about it because who
[2:02]
wouldn't it was
[2:07]
adorable I like this man just as he
[2:12]
was quirks and a like just so different
[2:14]
from
[2:15]
me let him be himself and
[2:22]
then I have a lot to process I just I'm
[2:26]
I want
[2:28]
to I don't want
[2:31]
to trying to be respectful you know I'm
[2:34]
not trying
[2:39]
to there just some things I can't
[2:43]
say what I'm hurting pretty
[2:46]
obvious w't close me off though
[2:49]
because that was wonderful it was Come
[2:54]
on
[2:55]
B oh
[2:56]
yeah we started cuddling together a few
[2:59]
days going that gave me one fuzzy
[3:02]
feeling inside that I still have mixed
[3:05]
with everything else that's
[3:13]
going by the way my Xbox one there and
[3:18]
hopefully very
[3:19]
soon hopefully I'm really hopeing
[3:24]
soon I don't know I
[3:27]
can because
[3:31]
complications can't really afford to
[3:33]
leave yet I week at this
[3:37]
place but I'm probably going to leave
[3:40]
early
[3:42]
somehow go back to um Brookings cuz I
[3:46]
love it there I missed it I'm making
[3:50]
friends there too there's this one woman
[3:52]
on the beach that I met a couple of
[3:53]
times he had to
[4:06]
dis gu was kind of
[4:09]
building know
[4:13]
I
[4:14]
for these little connection make then
[4:18]
this happened it was
[4:20]
like it was beautiful was
[4:24]
[ __ ] think I was falling in love with
[4:26]
this man I think I might have actually I
[4:30]
don't
[4:38]
know I felt safe with him right up until
[4:42]
I
[4:43]
didn't just breaks my
[4:50]
heart confuses me why like I didn't see
[4:54]
it
[4:56]
how you can only see what's there right
[4:58]
what you're shown
[5:00]
so I don't blame
[5:03]
myself it just sucks you know it just
[5:07]
sucks so all these people you like
[5:09]
taking all the washers I think I'm just
[5:10]
going to go somewhere else I Bailey
[5:12]
threw up on a blanket that I really
[5:14]
needed to get washed so that's in there
[5:16]
once that's washed and again dry I'm
[5:18]
going to go to a different town I
[5:22]
think but there is a major storm coming
[5:25]
in I just don't know like I don't need
[5:26]
to be out in this weather I got to be
[5:29]
with Bailey don't want him being scared
[5:31]
I doesn't need to be there
[5:33]
so guess
[5:36]
I'll I don't know it's kind of tricky
[5:38]
because you can't really trust weather
[5:39]
apps so you know the storm comes when it
[5:42]
comes I guess
[5:44]
and 80 M an hour like all week I've been
[5:48]
like wow that's even for me that's a lot
[5:50]
you know I want to document I want to
[5:52]
see it I want to experience it to an
[5:57]
extent I don't know I'm trying to think
[5:59]
like just so much happened we it was
[6:02]
wonderful I destroy something so
[6:05]
beautiful that had so much
[6:11]
potential it's over there's no going
[6:18]
back yeah gu I'll leave it there for on
[6:22]
ohlo this one side I'm going to try to
[6:25]
get
[6:27]
some these clouds are just moving
[6:45]
it's going to be an
[6:48]
event I'll be okay you guys don't worry
[6:50]
about me we going to be good well I
[6:53]
clean my blankets I didn't get all my
[6:55]
laundry done I really wanted to clean my
[6:57]
pants because I'm always getting them
[6:59]
wet on in the ocean and I have to dry
[7:02]
them out with my electric heater and you
[7:04]
know after a while they do get dirty and
[7:06]
you got to wash them so I still have
[7:09]
cleaned pants though so we're good do it
[7:11]
another day um this is a major storm
[7:14]
system maybe I even um put a screenshot
[7:18]
up of it cuz it's so cool looking so
[7:21]
cool and so I'm not going to head
[7:23]
south cuz it's everywhere I mean and
[7:26]
these are very strong winds so
[7:29]
um and I was talking to a guy at the
[7:31]
laundry man I asked him what he thought
[7:33]
cuz he's lived here forever and he's
[7:35]
like it's a little bit about luck and
[7:37]
I'm like that's not a good word to use
[7:39]
like that's not a reason to you know
[7:41]
don't be out at luck that I'm not going
[7:43]
to yeah no so I'm doing
[7:47]
better um these feelings will build
[7:51]
linger a little while and you know I'll
[7:53]
process the things that happened and
[7:55]
I'll move on that's what I do and still
[7:59]
up and
[8:01]
still you know
[8:05]
I'm I'm
[8:07]
good yeah oh I didn't want to mention
[8:11]
though I cook for this man twice do you
[8:13]
know what kind of a cook I am so I made
[8:16]
burgers the first night those were good
[8:20]
getting pretty good at that using my
[8:21]
ninja foodie then I made chili yesterday
[8:23]
but I made a special chili I chopped up
[8:27]
onions like red pepper whole bunch of
[8:31]
garlic Chopped all that up and cooked it
[8:35]
like seared it or whatever and then put
[8:38]
in brown sugar and cocoa powder mix all
[8:42]
that together then you know just a whole
[8:44]
bunch of stuff like this was a lot of
[8:46]
work I wanted to nourish this man
[8:50]
cuz apparently there's that part of me
[8:53]
that I didn't know about so that was
[8:55]
interesting to discover and loved it
[8:58]
and um
[9:02]
oh
[9:04]
man I'm [ __ ]
[9:06]
awesome turning me into the
[9:10]
monster
[9:13]
because what because I'm awesome like
[9:17]
makes no sense could have been
[9:20]
beautiful
[9:23]
M it is what it is there are other men
[9:26]
out there I didn't tell you guys about
[9:28]
the fishermen there was one day I was at
[9:30]
a different Campground and I saw this
[9:32]
fisherman holding a fishing pole this
[9:34]
man knew how to hold a fishing pole like
[9:37]
that just did something to me I just had
[9:39]
to talk to that
[9:41]
man um that's a whole other story um
[9:46]
yeah yeah I
[9:49]
[Music]
[9:51]
guess um I don't know just kind of
[9:55]
having a moment here because
[10:01]
I love this place so I got to I don't
[10:03]
know if I can show
[10:04]
you um oh I can't show you very well let
[10:09]
me try you look back there somewhere
[10:11]
there it
[10:13]
is I got a 101 sticker put above my baby
[10:17]
Yoda because this place claimed me I
[10:20]
claimed it back
[10:22]
so I live on this Coast now this is
[10:25]
where I
[10:26]
live so before I wrap this video up I I
[10:29]
thought maybe I'll just go check the
[10:31]
cape out and oh some people okay so I
[10:35]
just want to show you though isn't it
[10:36]
pretty yes this is my campsite it floods
[10:40]
real bad this is nothing it'll get a lot
[10:43]
worse um well let's go check the KP
[10:46]
we'll talk about a few
[10:48]
things um nor might I just come out here
[10:51]
so I've been hiking every day since my
[10:54]
heart got opened up that over a month
[10:56]
ago and according to Samsung health I'm
[10:59]
the top 3% of everybody who's out here
[11:01]
walking and stuff which I'm very proud
[11:04]
of I'm probably going to put a
[11:05]
screenshot up of that because maybe I'll
[11:08]
just document that fact cuz I'm hiking
[11:11]
everywhere you know um very sore I
[11:15]
there's a I don't know if I mentioned it
[11:16]
but my I got a core muscle that's real
[11:19]
sore and I'm not giving it enough rust
[11:22]
to get better so anyways
[11:26]
um probably not going to stay here
[11:28]
because quite honestly it doesn't feel
[11:30]
safe
[11:32]
anymore um it's
[11:35]
complicated but it doesn't feel safe
[11:38]
so um I think what I'm going to do cuz I
[11:41]
I want to stay on the southern coast and
[11:43]
I do actually kind of Miss Brookings and
[11:45]
Gold Beach area um and Humbug Mountain
[11:49]
like I'll probably stay in those areas
[11:51]
and the next place up is this one and
[11:55]
once you get to here cap
[11:57]
blonco um
[11:59]
things start to get a little more remote
[12:01]
so um there's just it's a different vibe
[12:05]
a little bit more solitary in a sense
[12:08]
and you know that's not the energy I
[12:11]
have these days I really want to
[12:15]
um socialize so want to be on the
[12:19]
beaches and Brookings generally it has
[12:22]
this effect where it tends to have it's
[12:24]
got a microclimate that's uh might make
[12:27]
some of the days better
[12:29]
um all kinds of reasons you know I just
[12:32]
absolutely love it and then maybe in the
[12:34]
spring I'll start heading north but I'm
[12:37]
going
[12:38]
to recalibrate I was going to make this
[12:41]
my base camp it's going to spend two
[12:43]
weeks at a time here go somewhere else
[12:45]
for 3 Days come back this is going to be
[12:47]
my base camp cuz I love so much about
[12:49]
this place
[12:51]
but maintaining privacy here
[12:54]
because despite everything that happens
[12:56]
I care very much about this person and
[13:04]
I just hope that
[13:08]
they and I can't you know I just I can't
[13:11]
talk about it but I don't feel safe here
[13:13]
so I'm going to move
[13:14]
on um under different
[13:18]
circumstances a normal breakup or
[13:20]
something like that would not be an
[13:22]
issue but this is
[13:23]
different um that being said got this
[13:27]
pocket knife don't even remember where
[13:29]
I carry it everywhere
[13:31]
now because I am still expecting social
[13:34]
claps obviously but you know I will
[13:37]
defend my sovereignty against anybody
[13:39]
any
[13:40]
threat and I mean I'm not saying
[13:43]
anything by saying that not an
[13:46]
implication of any kind I'm basically
[13:49]
telling my viewers
[13:51]
that not to worry so I'll be
[13:54]
fine trust
[13:56]
myself love myself
[14:00]
and making me feel unsafe that's wrong
[14:03]
unacceptably
[14:05]
wrong so
[14:08]
no putting me in that position
[14:10]
absolutely [ __ ] wrong
[14:15]
undeserved I'm going to keep living my
[14:18]
best [ __ ]
[14:19]
life that's what I want for
[14:22]
everybody so we're about to leave the
[14:24]
tree line and that's when the wind will
[14:26]
pick up because this Campground really
[14:27]
is protected so let's see what's going
[14:28]
on
[14:31]
there's a couple up ahead of me so I'm
[14:32]
trying to not pan over
[14:36]
there oh I'm going to
[14:55]
lose yeah this is
[15:00]
4 M hour um
[15:15]
GS
[15:23]
that can't be
[15:25]
predicted does of for what it is
[15:32]
sheer force of nature that is me that
[15:36]
will always be
[15:38]
me Lighthouse over there void
[15:41]
penetrating
[15:43]
device to meet
[15:45]
too can see
[15:48]
deeply here the void but here turned it
[15:52]
on the light hasn't been on since we got
[15:54]
here people coming hold on they were
[15:57]
cool dos they're like I guess we're not
[15:59]
all The Crazy Ones nope you're sure
[16:03]
not um still kind few not
[16:09]
bad so anyways yeah um oldest lighthouse
[16:12]
in Oregon and they're trying to collect
[16:16]
funds for it to repair it maybe that's
[16:19]
why the light is not anymore I don't
[16:21]
know I haven't been able to see it that
[16:23]
way and this was is sad cuz I don't
[16:24]
really want
[16:25]
to um you know
[16:33]
that pants are falling down wait a
[16:35]
minute why is this upside down oh my god
[16:38]
of course I did guys of course I did
[16:40]
okay let me just send it there this is
[16:41]
so very