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Hello YouTube. So, it's 10:30 in the
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morning here. Thought maybe I'd just
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give a little update before I get my day
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going. I've been up since 6:00. I had a
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lot to
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do. Um, let's see. What would I want to
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share? So,
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um, there was um, let me think this
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through. I I didn't really think what I
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was going to say to you guys. So,
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somebody helped me, very kind. I
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appreciate them very much. Um, I don't
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want to say much because I just think
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that they, you know, they want it to be
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private and um, but I want to
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acknowledge that somebody helped me and
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it will make a difference for me. So,
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um, that was the first thing. Uh, I had
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my meeting with the volunteer
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coordinator of the whole
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program. Um, she's reviewing and I'll
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hear if I can stay in the program by
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Friday. So, um, kind of in a holding
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pattern
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there. I have to leave here by 1:00, so
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I've got 2 and 1/2 hours. I'm mostly
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packed up. I've got most of my, um,
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outside stuffed out with except for my
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tent structure. Um, if you've been
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following me a long time, you might
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remember that I had one and got rid of
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it because I couldn't fold it up. And,
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um, I didn't know what to do with it.
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And I ended up getting another one the
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couple months ago because once I started
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hosting it just felt um one of my
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friends, another volunteer um convinced
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me to get one and I got a smaller one
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thinking it might be easier but it looks
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just as hard. But I'm just going to play
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with it. Maybe I'll figure it out this
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time. Once I figure something out then
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it just becomes second nature. So you
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know that's the plan. Um that's probably
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the very last thing that I will do,
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right? So, um, emptied my tanks. So, I'm
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going to be just a normal visitor for a
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while, which means now I'm using my
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tanks again. I've been showering in here
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for months. So, I guess I'm going to
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have to use the campground showers cuz
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my tanks would fill up really
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fast. Oh, man. So, it's like a Yeah,
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I've got some changes to make again. So,
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I got to get my shower bag out and you
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know, all of that. So,
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um, you know, little things like that. I
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like it, though. I
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mean, I like I like being adaptable. I
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like I like my life. I like my
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lifestyle. So, um, I'm feeling pretty
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good. I don't know what's going to
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happen. It It's was really hard to tell
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on that call. I felt like,
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um, I was listened to. I'll acknowledge
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that. But I also felt the institutional
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um impulse to protect and so there's a
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very good chance that I'm going to be
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kicked out of the entire program. Um but
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I will know by Friday. Hopefully that's
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not the case cuz I do believe that I'm a
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a valuable member of the volunteer
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community and I know the guests love me
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because I mean I hear it all the time.
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I'm always helping people. That's what I
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do. And you know
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uh most of the rangers are very cool. I
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just had some issues here. And
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um I mean I could tell like how they
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were reframing certain things that had
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happened just just to try to create a
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narrative cuz that's what they do, you
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know.
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Um largely my time here for the past two
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months
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was wonderful. It was awesome, you know.
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Um, but they're reframing things to make
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it sound like
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uh it's really about my communication
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style. That's that's what this is all
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about. They they don't like my clarity,
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my depth, my presence, you know, and
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um I'm not apologizing for those things
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anymore.
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That was part of my journey
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was getting to the point in myself where
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I didn't let other people make me small
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and treat me like I'm a problem when I'm
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not. You know, I it's not fair for
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people to treat me unfairly just
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because of who I
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am. It's wrong. It's ethically wrong.
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And it's
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just it's not something that um I would
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ever accept. So if I'm kicked out of the
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program, I'm kicked out of the program
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for being me. That's the reason why.
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That is the reason why they're saying
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they're rejecting me as a human being.
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That will be the reason why. So if that
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happens, that says everything about them
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and nothing about me. So um going to
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leave it at that for now.
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And it's been 2 months since I moved
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this thing. So, you know, a little bit
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of nerves over that. And um it's very,
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very packed park right now. So, got to
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drive really carefully out of the loop
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and find a place where I can pull over
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and get my Jeep hooked up. And then I'm
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just going to um head to a campground
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south of here
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and figure out what I'm doing with my
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life because it seems like I've I'm in
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another liinal state where where that
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becomes necessary. So hope that everyone
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is having a good week and I will keep
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you posted.